Dragons are very cool creatures, but are they realistic? No, definitely not. However, they could be if we take science and stuff down a dragon’s throat via silica-based and iron-sulfate-based teeth.

I was obsessed with dragons for an embarrassing amount of time, and I believed they were real for an even more embarrassing amount of time. When I found out they were not real, I had an emotional breakdown. Considering the fact that I wanted to be a wizard when I grew up, I was headed on a path toward even more disappointment.

Starting with a very classical dragon seen many times in Chinese culture, it is practically a flying serpent with very, very small wings or none at all. This is very unlikely and practically impossible. Nope, I lied—it is impossible for a dragon like this to work. Rather than flapping wings, a dragon like this would prioritize flapping through the air like a ribbon. But how is it in the air? Well, a dragon like this would need gas bags, which would lead to it basically becoming a massive, highly vulnerable balloon. While gas bladders seem very unrealistic, they actually very much are real. Some fish have gas bladders; however, a dragon would need enough to start looking more like a zeppelin than a dragon. While it is possible, it also poses the risk of… spontaneous combustion, because of the minerals and structures a dragon would need to produce fire, and because a simple puncture wound from a spear could cause it to explode.

Some more things we need to take into consideration are the weight limits for physics to work its magic. A dragon would definitely be too heavy, even for a comically big gas bag in its body. A dragon would also need to eat a massive amount of food.

Now, onto how a dragon would be able to breathe fire. There is more than one process an organic creature could go through to breathe fire. One very notable one is the bombardier beetle… a beetle that is known for its ability to spray boiling hot water out of its butt… yes, its butt. You see, a bombardier beetle has two sacs in its body that contain two different highly reactive chemicals. When combined, they produce the boiling water substance it sprays out of its butt. The two chemicals they mix together in their abdomen are hydrogen peroxide and hydroquinone, which, while close to fire, is not fire.

So, two chemicals that we should try to combine in our dragon are either the hydrogen and methane that we used for the gas sacs in the floating dragon, or… my favorite… a combination of fuming nitric acid and practically any flammable liquid, dealer’s choice. Then, when the enzymes are mixed together upon expulsion, they would create a biological flamethrower.

Another way dragons might be able to expel fire… or at least an easily flammable gas that could be ignited by methods shown later… is a process that we owe all to two of the least dragon-like creatures: cows and termites. You see, when cows and termites digest food, they produce methane gas, which is heavily flammable. If we can incorporate that same process of digestion into a dragon, it could release the gas and, with an ignition process talked about later, cause fire.

Another process is through practically a liquid fuel spray. This is the idea that a dragon could produce ethanol or other oils internally, much like a Devil’s Hole pupfish or a fulmar gull. The dragon could then expel this liquid while lighting it on fire. This works very similarly to the American M2A1-7, one of the world’s most powerful flamethrowers, and if the dragon is as effective as the weapon, it is clear that this biological method could work. However, we do need to find a way to give our dragon some form of internal protection because of the fact that our dragon is practically a massive bomb. But this is solved easily because of the massive amount of protective chemicals that can be produced in the glands where the fire is stored.

As for ignition, some types of birds swallow rocks to help with digestion, so maybe it is not far-off that a dragon could find two commonly found minerals that cause a spark when hit against each other, using them to ignite substances. Another theory is that the teeth could evolve to be a combination of silica and iron sulfate, which are both common in nature, are highly reactive, and will most likely succeed in making a spark. One last theory is that the dragon could swallow smooth rocks and cover its gizzard with them, producing a sort of inside that is covered with highly… sparkable? substances.

That is the first edition of The Biology of a Dragon.